Changing Lives Blog

How to Know When You or Your Child Needs a Therapist

How do you know when you or your child needs a therapist?

For children, the key is when they are out of synch with their developmental stage. "No, I won't!" tantrums may be developmentally appropriate for a child of 2 or 3 but not for a 5 or 6 year old. Usually by age 4 or 5, a child is able to tell a parent what she/he wants and to accept that wants are not always instantly satisfied. They are able to separate from parents or caregivers without undue crying or clinging. Developmentally by this age, children are secure in the fact that their parents return at the end of the day. So if your child cannot separate without experiencing an emotional meltdown, you might want to schedule some family and/or parenting sessions to talk about or play out the feelings and situations. It's important for your child not to feel there's something wrong with him/her (or in fact with a parent). Unless there's a serious mental illness in play, you can explain it as a "communication issue" or "there's too much anger and/or tension when our family interacts with each other." Or "You don't seem to believe me when I tell you every day that I'm coming back." A possible way to approach scheduling a visit is by saying, "Let's talk to someone who knows more about kids' fears than I do."

Other signs for children are lack of interaction with peers such as a child who never wants to go on play dates or go to birthday parties. School behaviors can be a sign that some early intervention is needed. Some children are overly anxious, hyper-vigilant, or convinced they can't succeed. At school, they may continually say "I can't do this" or bang or slap their heads in frustration. All of these can be raised and talked about and/or played out with puppets or small figures in a child-oriented therapist.

Parenting books, attending parenting classes, and reading your child books about feelings and how others handle different situations can help. But an experienced, child-oriented therapist can help enlarge a child's feelings vocabulary, practice problem-solving skills, or help uncover fears or feelings of not being heard. Family sessions and individual play therapy sessions can help a child gain confidence in meeting a new friend for the first time. Role play is just one possible way to work on the issue of shyness or anxiety in social situations.

Early intervention is a better approach than waiting until a problem has become embedded in a child's mind, damaged her/her all-important self-esteem, and turned into childhood depression. A child who is always unfocused and/or loses track of tasks, is not able to track words in learning to read, is never able to settle down and/or comfort himself/herself, and begins to have educational problems in school should be assessed for a possible learning disability or Attention Deficit Disorder. A child does not have to be hyper to have ADD.

Signs for adults which suggest a need for therapy might include panic attacks, anger and irritability, rapid mood swings which interfere with job performance and forming or maintaining emotional connections with others. Eating disorders and alcohol or drug abuse are often used to mask underlying feelings of inadequacy and unresolved emotional wounds from the past. Sometimes adults want help in changing unhealthy patterns of behavior, moderating anger when reacting to a teenager's behavior, or feeling "turned off" to a partner. Self-help books abound in every bookstore and library but these are not always interactive enough to promote deep change. Or you have consulted all you can find in your local library and you feel things still are not right with yourself and/or your family. In this case, therapy is an appropriate course of action.

After determining that a therapist is needed, finding one is the next step. Consult your local Mental Health Association, Psychology Today, and/or your insurance company's web site. All of these have lists and/or individual profiles which allow you to find out something about the background, methodology, and location of the individual therapist. If the match of styles and available times do not seem right for you, go back to your list and keep trying. The schedules of good therapists fill up quickly. If time does not work, ask them for a referral. Your primary care physician might also be able to give you a referral. Seeing a professional does not have to mean a long, drawn-out series of counseling sessions. If you decide what you want to change before consulting a therapist, work can proceed in a more focused manner. Adults and/or families can often get relief after just a few sessions. If there is a serious mental health issue such as depression, PTSD, or the possibility of a learning disability such as Attention Deficit Disorder, successful treatment can take longer. Everyone has different needs and experiences which have shaped their current attitudes and behaviors.

Labels: AD/HD, ADD, ADHD, child-centered therapy, finding a therapist, school issues

posted by Nancy Henningsen @ 10:17 AM